What can we expect from the eleventh series of The X Factor?
Ellen E Jones
No one will remember Cheryl’s married name
Cheryl who? After a three-year absence, Cheryl Tweedy, sorry Cole, sorry Fernandez-Versini has confirmed (via the show’s beloved booming voice-over artist Peter Dickson) that she’ll be using her double-barrelled new name when she returns. Still, at least no one will have trouble remembering her first name, which is more than can be said for Australian one-hit-wonder Natalie Imbruglia. Her presence as a guest judge in 2010 was greeted with undisguised bafflement by auditionees, including one particularly aggressive double-act known as “Ablisa”. The line “Who are you, may I ask?” has gone down in X Factor history.
Simon Cowell will make children cry
In the early days some suspected SyCo’s brusque manner concealed the heart of a softie, but a decade on, the truth is out: He’s just a very mean man. Telling adults off for singing like “a zoo or something”, is one thing, but does he have the heart to say similar to a school-age minor? We’ll find out this year, when the minimum entry age is lowered from 16 to 14.
Louis will shamelessly proclaim the brilliance of a clearly rubbish act
Louis Walsh is a curious X Factor anomaly. In financial terms at least, he’s had great success, managing acts like Boyzone and Westlife and having appeared on every series of the show, he’s the most experienced of the judges. And yet... and yet... he can’t resist throwing his weight behind some clearly dreadful acts, regardless of the misery it inflicts on the viewing public. If you’re wondering who to blame for Jedward (2009), Wagner (2010) and Shayne Ward (2005), there is only one man; incorrigible cheese-meister, Louis Walsh.
Mel B will win the battle of the dresses
At a press conference earlier this week, Cheryl Whassername testily declared, “It’s not about what clothes I’m wearing,” which is a strange thing to say when it so obviously is about what clothes she’s wearing. Sexist or not, it has been the fate of all female X Factor judges to become embroiled in a bitterly fought, Grazia-adjudicated style battle. Therefore Cheryl’s words can only be interpreted as an early admission of defeat. She fears she's got nothing to match the leopard print catsuits lurking at the back of Scary Spice’s closet. She fears correctly.
A star is born...
Leona Lewis (estimated personal fortune: £13m) came along in 2006, One Direction (estimated personal fortune: £14m each) arrived in 2010. This means the average wait between X Factor money-spinners is four years and since it's now 2014, St Tropez marina should already be making room for another of Cowell's yachts. - The Independent
Catch The X-Factor UK weekdays on M-Net at 6.30pm